The Femifesto

People who consider themselves my friends (as well as probably a third of the population of Tumblr by now) know I have something of a dirty mind. And that I'm over-analytical and a bit self-centered. And all of this sort of distills into a desire to figure out how I, as a young woman in a male-dominated world, can get ahead. And by ahead at this particular moment I mean laid.

Ever since a guy I really cared about dumped me last spring I've been trying to figure out male psychology, at least so far as finding nice guys and making myself attractive to them. Last night, I had a breakthrough. I was at a dorm social with a guy friend (almost exactly my type but taken), and I heard two other guys behind us, talking about masturbating to build up stamina.

0.o

That emoticon there sums up the look on my friend's face, and mine for a couple of seconds. (It may also be the first time anyone's ever used an emoticon in a manifesto.) But then I started thinking: why do you need stamina? What's the point, what's the value? Why is there a stigma attached to premature ejaculation? Premature as opposed to what? As opposed to when you're ready for it? Hell, if a guy I'm with comes before he's ready to, that means I'm doing something right! (Or so I assume, given that my actual sexual experience is limited to the aforementioned ex-boyfriend.)

It occurs to me that sexual stamina is among the most misguided of the misguided contests of masculinity that occur in our society. It's both nonsensical on its own and incongruous within our instant-gratification society--why hold out on yourself in this most fundamental of things?

Yes, there are other aspects of traditional masculinity that make it difficult for nice people--male and female--to get any. To those, and to any nice guy being held back by them, I also have responses:

1. I don't care about the size of your penis--in fact, the smaller it is, the less it'll hurt.
2. I want sex to feel as good for you as it does for me. And vice versa.
3. You do not control what I put in my body. Relatedly, if I don't want you, I don't want you.
4. Feminism is not hating men; in fact, I don't understand women who hate men. Feminism is wanting a turn on top.

To summarize, guys, don't use society's standards to determine your self-worth; base that instead on yourself and the people you spend time with. In other words: stop measuring yourself and come to bed.